Upon the Parliament Fart

Down came Grave Antient Sir John Crooke,

And read his Messuage in a Book;

Very well quoth Will. Norris, it is so,

But Mr. Pym’s Tayle cry’d No.

Fye quoth Alderman Atkins I like not this passage,

To have a Fart inter voluntary in the midst of a Message.

Then upstarts one fuller of Devotion

Than Eloquence, and said, a very ill Motion.

Not so neither quoth Sir Henry Jenking,

The Motion was good but for the stinking.

Quoth Sir Henry Poole ’twas an audacious trick

To fart in the face of the Body Politick.

Sir Jerome in Folio swore by the Mass

This Fart was enough to have blown a Glass:

Quoth then Sir Jerome the Lesser, such an Abuse

Was never offer’d in Poland nor Pruce.

Quoth Sir Richard Houghton, a Justice i’th Quorum

Would tak’t in snuff to have a Fart let before him.

If it would bear an Action quoth Sir Thomas Holecraft,

I would make of this Fart a Bolt or a Shaft.

Then qd. Sir John Moor to his great Commendation

I will speak to this House in my wonted fashion.

Now surely sayes he, For as much as, How be it,

This Fart to the Serjeant we must commit.

No quoth the Serjeant, low bending his Knees,

Farts oft will break Prisons, but never pay Fees.

Besides, this Motion with small reason stands,

To charge me with that I can’t keep in my hands.

Quoth Sir Walter Cope ’twas so readily let,

I would it were sweet enough for my Cabinet.

Why then Sir Walter (quoth Sir William Fleetwood)

Speak no more of it, but bury it with Sweetwood;

Grave Senate, quoth Duncombe, upon my salvation,

This Fart stands in need of some great Reformation;

Quoth Mr. Cartwright, upon my Conscience

It would be reformed with a little Frankencense;

Quoth Sir Roger Aston it would much mend the matter,

If this Fart were shaven, and washt in Rosewater;

Per verbum Principis, how dare I tell it,

A Fart by hear-say, and not see it, nor smell it.

I am glad qd. Sam: Lewknor we have found a thing,

That no Tale-bearer can carry it the King,

Such a Fart as this was never seen

Quoth the learned Council of the Queen,

Yes quoth Sir Hugh Breston the like hath been

Let in a dance before the Queen,

Then said Mr. Peak I have a President in store

His Father Farted last Sessions before,

A Bill must be drawn then, quoth Sir John Bennet,

Or a selected Committee quickly to pen it,

Why quoth Dr. Crompton no man can draw

This Fart within Compass of the Civil-Law,

Quoth Mr. Jones by the Law’t may be done

Being a Fart intayld from Father to Sonne,

In truth quoth Mr. Brooke, this Speech was no lye

This Fart was one of your Post-Nati

Quoth Sir William Paddy a dare-assuram

Though twere contra modestum: ’tis not prater naturam,

Besides by the Aphorismes of my art

Had he not been deliver’d, h’ad been sick of a Fart;

Then quoth the Recorder, the mouth of the City,

To have smother’d that Fart had been great pity,

It is much certain quoth Sir Humphrey Bentwizle,

That a Round-fart is better than a stinking fiezle:

Have patience Gentlemen, quoth Sir Francis Bacon

There’s none of us all but may be mistaken;

Why right, quoth the great Attorney I confesse,

The Eccho of ones ——— is remedilesse.