Scotch Drink

Let other Poets raise a fracas

'Bout vines, an' wines, an' drunken Bacchus,

An' crabbit names an' stories wrack us,

An' grate our lug,

I sing the juice Scotch bear can mak' us,

In glass or jug.

O thou, my Muse! guid auld Scotch Drink,

Whether thro' wimplin worms thou jink,

Or, richly brown, ream owre the brink,

In glorious faem,

Inspire me, till I lisp an' wink,

To sing thy name!

Let husky Wheat the haughs adorn,

An' Aits set up their awnie horn,

An' Pease an' Beans at een or morn,

Perfume the plain,

Leeze me on thee, John Barleycorn,

Thou King o' grain!

On thee aft Scotland chows her cood,

In souple scones, the wale o' food!

Or tumblin in the boiling flood

Wi' kail an' beef;

But when thou pours thy strong heart's blood,

There thou shines chief.

Food fills the wame, an' keeps us livin;

Tho' life's a gift no worth receivin,

When heavy-dragg'd wi' pine an' grievin;

But oil'd by thee,

The wheels o' life gae down-hill, scrievin,

Wi' rattlin glee.

Thou clears the head o' doited Lear:

Thou cheers the heart o' drooping Care;

Thou strings the nerves o' Labour sair,

At's weary toil:

Thou even brightens dark Despair

Wi' gloomy smile.

Aft, clad in massy, siller weed,

Wi' Gentles thou erects thy head;

Yet humbly kind, in time o' need,

The poor man's wine,

His wee drap parritch, or his bread,

Thou kitchens fine.

Thou art the life o' public haunts;

But thee, what were our fairs and rants?

Ev'n godly meetings o' the saunts,

By thee inspir'd,

When gaping they besiege the tents.

Are doubly fir'd.

That merry night we get the corn in!

O sweetly, then, thou reams the horn in!

Or reekin on a New-year mornin

In cog or bicker,

An' just a wee drap sp'ritual burn in,

An' gusty sucker!

When Vulcan gies his bellows breath,

An' ploughmen gather wi' their graith,

O rare! to see thee fizz an' freath

I' th' lugget caup!

Then Burnewin comes on like Death

At ev'ry chaup.

Nae mercy, then, for airn or steel;

The brawnie, banie, ploughman chiel,

Brings hard owrehip, wi' sturdy wheel,

The strong forehammer,

Till block an' studdie ring an' reel

Wi' dinsome clamour.

When skirlin weanies see the light,

Thou maks the gossips clatter bright,

How fumblin' cuifs their dearies slight,

Wae worth the name!

Nae Howdie gets a social night,

Or plack frae them.

When neebors anger at a plea,

An' just as wud as wud can be,

How easy can the barley-bree

Cement the quarrel!

It's aye the cheapest Lawyer's fee,

To taste the barrel.

Alake! that e'er my Muse has reason

To wyte her countrymen wi' treason!

But monie daily weet their weason

Wi' liquors nice,

An' hardly, in a winter's season,

E'er spier her price.

Wae worth that brandy, burning trash!

Fell source o' monie a pain an' brash!

Twins monie a poor, doylt, drunken hash,

O' half his days;

An' sends, beside, auld Scotland's cash

To her warst faes.

Ye Scots, wha wish auld Scotland well,

Ye chief, to you my tale I tell,

Poor plackless devils like mysel'

It sets you ill,

Wi' bitter, dearthfu' wines to mell,

Or foreign gill.

May gravels round his blather wrench,

An' gouts torment him, inch by inch,

Wha twists his gruntle wi' a glunch

O' sour disdain,

Out owre a glass o' Whisky punch

Wi' honest men!

O Whisky! soul o' plays an' pranks!

Accept a Bardie's gratefu' thanks!

When wanting thee, what tuneless cranks

Are my poor verses!

Thou comes ——— they rattle i' their ranks

At ither's a—s!

Thee, Ferintosh! O sadly lost!

Scotland, lament frae coast to coast!

Now colic-grips, an' barkin hoast,

May kill us a';

For loyal Forbes' charter'd boast

Is ta'en awa!

Thae curst horse-leeches o' th' Excise,

Wha mak the Whisky Stells their prize!

Haud up thy han', Deil! ance, twice, thrice!

There, seize the blinkers!

An' bake them up in brunstane pies

For poor damn'd drinkers.

Fortune! if thou'll but gie me still

Hale breeks, a scone, an' Whisky gill,

An' rowth o' rhyme to rave at will,

Tak' a' the rest,

An' deal't about as thy blind skill

Directs thee best.