The Remains of Tom Lehrer
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Public-domain lyrics

N Apostrophe T

Tom Lehrer

A child's invitation draws a grouchy hermit out of a world made entirely of negatives.

The Remains of Tom Lehrer Disc 3 · Track 23 2000
Public domainLanguageLearningFriendshipPlayfulHopeful
Complete public-domain lyrics

The Electric Company scene is set outside a cave. C identifies the sweet child and H the hermit; their dialogue demonstrates contractions before turning no into an invitation to participate. The complete exchange keeps every speaker label and acting cue. Three editorial reading sections follow the source's separated blocks; the introductory setting is described here instead of being presented as a lyric.

First exchange

C: Isn't it a lovely day?

H: No, it isn't!

C: Could you come outside and play?

H: No, I couldn't!

C: Did you ever take a hike?

H: No, I didn't!

C: How'd you like to ride my bike?

H: Frankly, I wouldn't!

C: Isn't, couldn't, didn't, wouldn't -- Is that all you can say?

H: Isn't, couldn't, didn't, wouldn't --- Yes, now go away!

The sweetest sound to me,

It stands for "not,"

I like it a lot,

It's spelled N apostrophe T.

Second exchange

C: Have you ever tried to smile?

H: No, I haven't!

C: Won't you try it for a while?

H: No, I won't!

C: Are there games to play in there?

H: No, there aren't!

C: Then why d'you like to stay in there?

H: Frankly, I don't!

C: Haven't, won't, aren't, don't -- Is that all you can say?

H: Haven't, won't, aren't, don't --- And I said "Go away!"

Grouches all agree,

We get a glow

From saying "NO!"

With N apostrophe T.

The invitation

C: Do you talk to anyone?

H: (wistfully) No, I don't.

C: Come on out and have some fun.

H: (hesitantly) No, I couldn't.

C: Can't you even tell me why?

H: (apologetically) No, I can't.

C: Will it kill you just to try?

H: (wanting to) Well ...... I shouldn't.

C: Don't, couldn't, can't, shouldn't -- Now try it once my way!

Do!

H: Do!

C: Could!

H: Could!

C: Can!

H: Can!

C: Should!

H: Should! Hey, that feels okay!

C: So come along with me ---

H: I'll give it a try

And say goodbye

To N apostrophe ---

C: N apostrophe ---

Both: N apostrophe T!

Credits

Written by Tom Lehrer

Words by Tom Lehrer, released into the public domain by the author. This is the author-published text edition, not a transcription of a particular performance.

Source & text edition

Author-published lyric sheet · original English words

Tom Lehrer's November 26, 2022 declaration relinquishes copyright in lyrics he wrote. It does not grant rights to third-party music, photographs or album artwork. This edition uses only his words.

Read the author’s lyric sheet (PDF)

View copyright evidence · Author’s public-domain declaration

Retrieved 2026-09-08. Line spacing and section labels are adapted for reading. The displayed text follows the linked edition. Editorial notes and abstract artwork are by 52lyrics.

Source edition: The Remains of Tom Lehrer · Compilation · 2000-05-23 · US

Release data: MusicBrainz · CC0-1.0 · Retrieved 2026-09-07.

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