Auld Janet Baird

Auld Janet Baird, auld Janet Baird,

A wonderfu' woman was auld Janet Baird,

Come gentle or semple, come cadger or caird,

A groat made them welcome wi' auld Janet Baird.

Auld Janet Baird was a changewife o' fame,

Wha keepit guid liquor, as weel's a guide name;

Could pray wi' the priest, an' could laugh wi' the laird,

For learned an' leesome was auld Janet Baird.

Auld Janet could brew a browst o' guid ale,

An' baket guid bannocks to quicken its sale,

An' while that a customer's pouch held a plack,

Auld Janet ne'er fail'd in her sang or her crack.

Auld Janet Baird was baith gaucy and sleek,

Wi' the cherry's dark red on her lip and her cheek,

Wi' a temper and tongue like a fiddle in tune,

An' merry an' licht as a laverock in June.

Auld Janet Baird had a purse fu' o' gowd,

A but an' a ben wi' guid plenishin' stow'd,

A kist fu' o' naiprie, a cow, and kail yard;

An' wha was sae bein or sae braw's Janet Baird?

Auld Janet grew wanton, auld Janet grew braw,

Wore new-fangled mutches, red ribbons, an' a',

At bridal or blythe-meat, at preachin' or fair,

The priest might be absent, but Janet was there.

Auld Janet grew skeich, an' auld Janet grew crouse,

An' she thocht a guidman a great mense to a house,

And aft to herself she wad sich and complain,

"O, woman's a wearifu' creature alane!"

The clack o' sic beinness brought customers routh,

To crack wi' the carlin, an' slocken their drouth,

An' mony's the wooer who vow'd and declared,

He'd sell his best yaud to win auld Janet Baird.

But Janet had secretly nourished for lang

A sort of love-liking for honest Laird Strang;

"He's sober an' civil—his youth can be spared;

He'd mak' a douce husband," quoth auld Janet Baird.

The wooer that's hooly is oftentimes crost,

An' words wared on courtin' are often words lost;

"For better for waur, here's my loof," quoth the Laird;

"Content; it's a bargain," quoth auld Janet Baird.

The marriage was settled, the bridal day set,

The priest, an' the piper, an' kindred were met,

They've wedded an' bedded, an' sickerly pair'd,

She's now Mrs. Strang that was auld Janet Baird.