Don't Major in Physics by Tom Lehrer — lyrics and song notes

Complete public-domain lyrics

The three comic narrators voice dated stereotypes about romance and women in science; those views are part of the satire, not advice from this catalog. The sheet names Kurt Weill's The Trouble with Women from One Touch of Venus as the musical setting. Its two later Chorus instructions are expanded with the same four printed lines. Deliberate rhymes such as cudent, phenomener and thermodynammocks remain, as does the printed neckl form.

First student

Oh, I once loved a sweet Physics student,

The loveliest girl one could find,

But I tried to get close and I cudent,

For she said that she wasn't "that kind."

More often a king weds a commoner

Than a physicist makes a housewife,

For they only are versed in phenomener

That have nothing to do with real life.

Chorus 1

So don't ever major in Physics,

Try History, English, or Gov,

For you may learn a lot about science,

But you won't learn a thing about love.

Second student

Oh, I too loved a young Physics major,

She was pretty and healthy and pure,

But I wouldn't take one now on a wager,

For they all are like her, I am sure.

She didn't like couches or hammocks

Or walks in the moonlight for two.

All she thought of was thermodynammocks,

So what, tell me what, could I do?

Chorus 2

So don't ever major in Physics,

Try History, English, or Gov,

For you may learn a lot about science,

But you won't learn a thing about love.

Third student

Now I have the opposite status:

I like physics and my girl does not.

I tried showing her my apparatus,

But a blank smile was all that I got.

She asked me why I was in Physics,

And advised me to transfer to Ec,

And whenever I tried to talk Physics,

All she wanted to do was to neckl (ugh!)

Chorus 3

So don't ever major in Physics,

Try History, English, or Gov,

For you may learn a lot about science,

But you won't learn a thing about love.