Tom Lehrer: Author Lyric Sheets
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Public-domain lyrics

Polaroid Photography Song

Tom Lehrer

Scientific imaging techniques race through a patter-song catalogue of photographic possibilities.

Tom Lehrer: Author Lyric Sheets Text 23 Undated text
Public domainPhotographyScienceWordplayBriskPlayful
Complete public-domain lyrics

This is the long version written for the September 1980 Polaroid sales meeting, not the separate 1972 promotional-film version on page two. The sheet credits the Major General tune from Gilbert and Sullivan's The Pirates of Penzance and describes a Falmouth recording conducted by Bill Tyler with the College Light Opera Company. Only Lehrer's words are reproduced. The complete twenty-nine-line text includes all chorus returns and the acceleration cue; this historical promotional lyric is not a current product guide.

Uses

Of uses for our photographs you'll find a multiplicity,

From quality control to advertising and publicity,

Diagnostics

Computer graphics, diagnostics, also radiometry,

Endoscopy and dentistry and microdensitometry,

More techniques

And micrometalography and paper chromatography,

Spectrography, thermography, and color scintillography,

Scale

For studies biomedical and studies anatomical,

[soft] For bodies microscopic and

[loud] For bodies astronomical!

Chorus 1

For bodies microscopic and for bodies astronomical,

For bodies microscopic and for bodies astronomical,

For bodies microscopic and for bodies astronomic-omical!

The sciences

Geology, oncology, pathology, myology,

Astrology --- astrology? --- forget it, my apology ---

With spectroscopes, oscilloscopes, and cam'ras ultrasonical,

There's hardly any science that is missing from this chronicle.

Chorus 2

With spectroscopes, oscilloscopes, and cam'ras ultrasonical,

There's hardly any science that is missing from this chronicle.

Every field

Acoustical holography, computerized tomography,

Diffraction crystallography and autoradiography.

In short, in ev'ry field from cosmic rays to choreography

There's bound to be a way of using Polaroid photography.

Chorus 3

In short, in every field from cosmic rays to choreography

There's bound to be a way of using Polaroid photography.

Faster

[Getting faster and faster:]

In short, in ev'ry field from cosmic rays to choreography

There's bound to be a way of using Polaroid photography.

Final chorus

In short, in every field from cosmic rays to choreography

There's bound to be a way of using Polaroid photography.

Credits

Written by Tom Lehrer

Words by Tom Lehrer, released into the public domain by the author. This is the author-published text edition, not a transcription of a particular performance.

Source & text edition

Author-published lyric sheet · original English words

Tom Lehrer's November 26, 2022 declaration relinquishes copyright in lyrics he wrote. It does not grant rights to third-party music, photographs or album artwork. This edition uses only his words.

Read the author’s lyric sheet (PDF)

View copyright evidence · Author’s public-domain declaration

Retrieved 2026-09-08. Line spacing and section labels are adapted for reading. The displayed text follows the linked edition. Editorial notes and abstract artwork are by 52lyrics.
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