The sheet identifies use in shows at Camp Androscoggin and credits James van Heusen's Harmony from Variety Girl as the tune. Lehrer's words break the fourth wall while the backstage crew supplies first a no and then a yes. Both verses, refrains, exchanges and entrance/exit cues are retained. The author's optional group adaptation and dance-interlude suggestion remain separate from the thirty-two-line main text.
(Enter in front of curtain)
If it is not exactly clear
Why I'm here,
You may think it's part of the plot,
But it's not.
This song I bring
Is just a silly thing,
Which I will only sing,
You see,
To give them time to change the scenery.
Scenery, scenery,
The only reason that there is for this here song
Is to help the guys along.
(turning upstage) Tell us now, are you ready for us?
(all backstage yell:) NO!
(to audience) Well, in that case, I will sing another chorus.
If you should ask me why this song
Is so long,
All I can say is just that I'm
Killing time.
As you must know,
I didn't write this show,
And so you mustn't go
Blaming me.
I'm here to let them change the scenery.
Scenery, scenery,
And if you think this song is silly as can be,
I admit that I agree.
(turning upstage) Tell us now, are you ready for us?
(all backstage yell:) YES!
(to audience) Well, in that case, you are spared another chorus.
(Exit)