Tom Lehrer: Author Lyric Sheets
18 / 44
Public-domain lyrics

The Love Song of the Physical Anthropologist

Tom Lehrer

The vocabulary of physical anthropology supplies an unusually technical declaration of love.

Tom Lehrer: Author Lyric Sheets Text 18 Undated text
Public domainScienceRomanceWordplayAffectionatePlayful
Complete public-domain lyrics

Lehrer's explanatory note contrasts conventional compliments with an anthropologist's descriptive vocabulary. The narrator turns that vocabulary into an affectionate catalogue of physical characteristics. All four lyric blocks are retained, including their demanding compound descriptions. These are historical comic lyrics, not a scientific classification guide; the separate author's explanation stays outside the verse.

Verse 1

Let me tell you of

The mammal that I love,

She's lovely, she's charming, she's divine.

That ectomorphic, hypsicranial, rufipilous, leptorrhinian

Metriocephalic gal of mine.

Verse 2

Oh, the touch is grand

Of her pentadactyl hand,

She's my mesoprosopic valentine.

That eurypellic, orthorachic, brachydontic, stenomeric,

Dolichocnemic leptosome of mine.

Verse 3

Though you might wish this chordate

Instead of mine were your date,

You haven't got a chance, its plain to see,

For nothing is more alien

To this marvelous mammalian

Than affection shown to anyone but me.

Verse 4

Oh, her eyes are blue

(And they're oxybleptic too),

She's endothermic, and that suits me fine.

That eurypellic, orthorachic, brachydontic, stenomeric,

Bathycolpian, leiodermatous, callipygian, platyhieric,

Ectomorphic, rufipilous, leptorrhinian

Metriocephalic little gal of mine.

Credits

Written by Tom Lehrer

Words by Tom Lehrer, released into the public domain by the author. This is the author-published text edition, not a transcription of a particular performance.

Source & text edition

Author-published lyric sheet · original English words

Tom Lehrer's November 26, 2022 declaration relinquishes copyright in lyrics he wrote. It does not grant rights to third-party music, photographs or album artwork. This edition uses only his words.

Read the author’s lyric sheet (PDF)

View copyright evidence · Author’s public-domain declaration

Retrieved 2026-09-08. Line spacing and section labels are adapted for reading. The displayed text follows the linked edition. Editorial notes and abstract artwork are by 52lyrics.
Keep tracing

More from Tom Lehrer: Author Lyric Sheets.

01All I Need Is a JobPublic-domain lyrics02Are There Any Questions?Public-domain lyrics03Baby, Is It Love?Public-domain lyrics04The Derivative Song (dy/dx)Public-domain lyrics